We often talk about changes that are known and changes that are unknown. We should be better equipped to deal with the changes that are known, right? At least, that is the goal, and in so doing, we become better equipped to deal with the unknown changes that inevitably come our way.

Well, tonight I found a grey hair. And not just one of those half grey hairs, where the better part of the strand matches my customary light brown before it fades to grey, but a full-on grey hair—white, really. It was white all the way from root to tip. I yanked it from my scalp and held it in my hand, staring. It was brittle and wiry. I thought, “This is my future.”

Now, don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against grey hair. I have visions of one day having a full head of beautiful, even-toned white hair (I should be so lucky), but I’ll be the first to admit that I’m still entertaining a form of denial about WHEN that day should come. I’ve found small grey hairs before, similar to the half-toned kind I described above, or even a rogue grey eyebrow hair standing out from its darker companions. And I usually shake it off and forget about it. But this is different. This is a grey hair, plain and simple. No getting around it.

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And that’s where I came to ask myself: are you ready to get older? Well, I don’t really have a choice. My aunt told me once that aging is funny; you see yourself in the mirror, year-after-year, changing, growing older. And yet, you feel the same inside your head. Your sense of self, that voice in your head that represents YOU, stopped somewhere around 28, maybe 30. So looking in the mirror is like looking at a stranger who sort of looks like you, but much older. I think about that description a lot and I think that it’s finally starting to happen to me. And even though I know it would come one day, it was always someday. You’re never quite prepared for when someday becomes today, even if that someday represents a change that has always been known.

These days, I’m more of the mind that I should count my lucky stars if I get to live to an old age (see my new morbid outlook on life), and that I shouldn’t worry about a little thing like grey hair. It’s just another part of me, growing and changing, becoming more of what I will one day be. I think what my aunt was describing to me, that “funny feeling” about growing older, is that it’s funny because you get to watch it happen—you get to watch yourself transform over the years. Watching the cycle of aging—in yourself, in your family and friends, in your children—is one of the simplest forms of known change that I can think of. And while it may be scary, and you may feel like you want to grab hold of time and demand that it slow down, it’s okay to face it head on, to embrace it even. These signs of aging are also signs of life, worn boldly on the outside.

 

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