"We expect more from technology and less from each other."
The words were spoken by Sherry Turkle at aTED Talk she gave in 2012. Her topic was on the importance of conversation—that art of human communication which we encourage here at BTF, and which some of us may find ourselves a little out of practice with these days.
Sherry is a psychologist, sociologist, and professor at MIT, and I first learned about her work after reading a recent article in The Atlantic magazine. The article, written by Megan Garber, highlights Sherry's work over the past 15 years involving the study of technology and its impact on human relationships. Sherry argues that human conversation is nothing like texting, or posting, or other forms of digital communication. It's messy, unedited, revealing, unforgiving, and absolutely essential for human development.
"Conversations, as they tend to play out in person, are messy—full of pauses and interruptions and topic changes and assorted awkwardness. But the messiness is what allows for true exchange."
Digital communication, on the other hand, offers a different kind of interaction, an opportunity to edit the you on display. Your vulnerability is limited to the moment when you realize you made a typo or misspelled a word, and is alleviated once you locate the delete button. You are safe—free to start over and present only your best self. You are connected, but not conversing.
Sherry isn't anti-technology. In fact, she wrote one of her earliest books celebrating life on the internet. In 1996, she gave her first TED Talk on the advances in virtual technology and was featured in WIRED magazine. Her argument is not that we shouldn't use technology, but that we should be wary of how we allow it to change us and the ways we interact with each other, and that we should use technology to be more present in this life rather than using it to escape from it.
Building relationships—all kinds—is important. Make digital connections—to your peers, others who have succeeded in doing what you want to do, experts in your field, advisors—these types of relationships are good and can connect you to people you may not otherwise have access to.
But make real connections, too, with the people around you. Sit down and have a good old-fashioned conversation about your day, your work, your struggles, your aspirations. Let it be messy and awkward; natural rather than contrived; human rather than digital.
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We already live in a world where many of the transactions we conduct can be done without human interaction; today, if we so choose, we can work, shop, connect, travel, socialize, exercise, and do a number of other activities from the comfort of our own homes. This provides convenience and saves time, but can also isolate us from each other.
As part of her research for a new book she is writing, Sherry talked with countless people and eavesdropped on conversations going on around her. One particular aspiration she remembers hearing more than once was the hope that a virtual assistant like Siri will one day act more like a best friend, someone who will listen when others won't; a wish for a day when our closest relationships are with our devices (Spike Jonze presents such a future in his upcoming film Her).
To avoid this isolation, we need to become aware; aware of what we gain through digital connections, but also what we lose. In her article, Ms. Garber observes:
"The world is more talkative now, in many ways, than it's ever been. The problem, Turkle argues, is that all of this talk can come at the expense of conversation."
We are surrounded by devices and social networks, and that's not likely to change in the future. So we need to put forth extra effort to build and maintain meaningful relationships with each other. Focus on the people around you: your neighbors who become your family, your coworkers who become your friends, your advisors who become your mentors. Reach out to others, make valuable connections, have conversations. Because anyone can send a premeditated and perfectly edited text, but it takes real guts to have a messy, unscripted conversation.
Suggested reading: Alone Together: Why We Expect More From Technology and Less From Each Other by Sherry Turkle
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