Assumptions.
We all make them, and many times, they are completely unfounded. We make assumptions based on what people say or do, only to find out later that the situation is not what we thought it was. We don’t know everything, so we make these assumptions to protect ourselves. We make them in order make sense of life and our experiences; in order to move forward.
Most people would agree that it is bad to make assumptions. We’ve all heard the saying “When you ASSUME, you make an ASS out of U and ME,” so we know that we’d do well to cast our assumptions aside.
I try very hard not to make assumptions, but nevertheless, I made one just a few days ago. As often is the case, my assumption turned out to be wrong. Thankfully, even though I had my assumption, I didn’t base my immediate reaction on it. I was able to compose myself and make sure I acted in a way that was respectful. Most importantly, I tried to assume positive intent.
A good friend of mine says that if we’re going to assume anything, we should always assume positive intent, and I think this is great advice. For instance, if you’re playing soccer and your teammate gives you a bad pass, you can rest easy knowing that your teammate did not intend to give you a bad pass. He undoubtedly had every intention in the world of giving you a goal-scoring pass, but it simply didn’t work out that way. You assume positive intent; there are no bad feelings, and you move on with the game, hoping for better luck next time.
In life, there are a few things we can do to help us avoid making assumptions that eventually lead to conflict or bad feelings. We can:
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- Ask questions. In most situations, if you ask questions you will know exactly what is going on, so no assumptions will be needed.
- Listen without judgment. It is so easy, once you’ve made your assumption, to defend that assumption. Listen to the answers to your questions and make sure to keep your judgment or bias in check. You can’t learn if you don’t listen without judgment.
- Never hold your assumptions to be truths. Assumptions are guesses at best; some educated, some totally irrational. Unless you have proof to support your assumption, it might be wrong, which is often the case. Before you hold them as absolute truths, you must learn the facts to prove or disprove your assumptions.
It can be quite liberating to realize that an assumption we’ve made about someone else is wrong. I love when this happens to me. We are allowed to be human, of course, and sometimes falsely think the worst of others. But if we’re smart, we know it’s better to check our assumptions in the first place.
I recently read an article in Forbes called “7 Assumptions Smart People Never Make,” written by Alice G. Walton. Her article is extremely relevant to the topic and provides wisdom that we can all learn from and implement.
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