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I read an article yesterday posted by The Mind Unleashed called “10 Toxic Relationships Mentally Strong People Avoid.” I wasintrigued. After all, I consider myself to be a fairly strong-minded person. I wanted to see if their article agreed with me.
It was a decidedly humbling read (it's hard not to recognize a little bit of yourself in at least one of their ten examples...okay, maybe two), but what stood out the most was the point made in the second example, “Relationships That Are Supposed to ‘Complete’ You”:
“Nobody else in this world can make you happy. It’s something you have to do on your own.”
That is a heavy burden indeed, and a truth that terrifies most of us. I am responsible for my own happiness? But why can't I look to my friends, my family, my spouse to do that for me? What if I am not equipped to make myself happy? What if I never learned how?
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Well that’s just tough luck. If anything is true, it’s that we’re stuck with ourselves. We reside within our own heads, our own bodies. We are the ones in charge of this machine, which means that we are the only ones who can make sure it runs well.
We’ve all experienced a time or two when we relied on others to make us happy and ended up feeling disappointed or unfulfilled. It simply doesn’t work. You may also have spent a good deal of time trying to make someone else happy and failed miserably. It isn’t your fault. Happiness is innate; it resides within us, and it’s up to us to acknowledge it, nurture it, and watch it grow.
The article went on to describe eight more toxic relationship behaviors, but as I read through them, I couldn't help feeling like they all come down to the same conflict described in example #2: "You have to create your own happiness first before you can share it with someone else." Isn't that the truth. The sooner we take ownership of our own happiness, the sooner we can begin to cultivate it and share it with others.
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