A few years ago my friend introduced me to her significant other, a great guy she said. She told me this guy was divorced twice, but it was not his fault. She said, “He is a great guy and I think he is the one”. Even before I met the guy, I had already made up my mind that he was not good. When I finally met him, the interaction only solidified the way I thought about him. I couldn’t tell my friend what I thought of him, but I did tell her to be careful. You deserve the best and you need to have the best.
Not long ago I read the book by Malcolm Gladwell, “Blink”, in this great book Gladwell talks about the fact that as humans, we have this innate way to make up our mind about a situation or a person really quick. He referenced the work by a Psychology student, Tricia Prickett, who did a study to test if it was possible to predict the outcome of an interview based on the handshake alone. She discovered that what happened during short moments of the handshake was enough to determine the candidate’s future and whether he would be offered a job or not.
Imagine you are about to go into an interview or perhaps meet the parents of your significant other for the first time. As you prepare and get ready, most of the time the people you are meeting for the first time have already made up their mind about you even before you finish your introduction. So it is true the old saying, there is never a second chance for a first impression.
So how you handle this? What do we need to do?
First take advantage of your network.
According to Gladwell, if people have heard of you, perhaps from a mutual friend in a positive light, that might give you an advantage. People already have an idea of the person they are about to meet based on the positive feedback of a mutual friend. Thus, using your network to ask for positive introductions is a great thing. Gladwell points out that “if I've heard about you, perhaps from a mutual friend, then I might have already decided I'm going to like you," "Then, when I meet you, I'm going to behave in a more positive way towards you, which, in turn, is going to get you to behave in a more positive way towards me."
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Second, be open and genuine.
People are amazing at spotting the fakes, if you are trying to be someone that you aren’t, people will know. When you people are open and communicate in an expressive way, they tend to be liked more than “difficult to read people”. So it is a one two punch, a) be genuine and b) be expressive.
Third, make the effort to discover things you have in common.
I have found this a great tool. I start a conversation and I grab whatever I feel connects us. Perhaps it is a sport you share, the school you went to, something. Finding out that you share the same name as someone, or that you both went to the same school, can create a sense of affection for that person.
People are going to judge you whether you like it or not, that is what humans do. But that does not mean that you can’t do anything about it. In fact you can. You have just a few seconds to make a good first impression and it's almost impossible ever to change it.
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