Life Sucks: When It’s OK to Fire Your Friends

Throughout your life, you’ll come across people who do nothing but bring you down. These sorts of people make negativity a tangible thing: they constantly complain about others, whine about their bad luck, compare themselves to others whom they think have it better than them,  and make excuses for why they can’t change or improve their lives. It’s important to recognize these people for what they are: energy suckers. And it’s important to find the strength to cut them out of your life.

Not long ago I reconnected with a friend of mine via Facebook.  It was great to catch up with her after so many years and to hear about how she was doing. We rehashed memories from our college days, and whenever she’d put up a new post, I’d see it in my Facebook feed. But after a few exchanges, I was reminded of the reason why we lost touch in the first place. Most of her posts were about how badly her life sucked.   One such post read:  “OK, my life sucks so bad, and you D________ make it suck even more.” Her posts were dripping with self-pity and negativity.

And that’s when I remembered why our friendship “broke up”. I decided that I could no longer put up with her negative attitude toward life. It wasn’t as though she were in a bad situation or had experienced anything that would foster such negativity; she was just an unhappy person. She tended to suck the energy from anyone who gave her the opportunity, including me.

Some people will tell you to hang on in painful and draining relationships like these. They’ll encourage you to stick around and try to transform the person in a positive way. But I knew that I had to separate myself from my friend’s negativity, and, ultimately, that is what I did. Often times, the best you can do in situations like these is set yourself free and make new friends.

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People that spend a lot of time believing that their lives suck are like energy vampires. Many of them are emotionally insatiable; no matter how much attention you give them, it’s never enough. Whenever you try to make them feel better, they resist and argue, giving more strength to their problems. They do not recognize their ability to generate joy, love, and prosperity for themselves, so they look to others to sustain them. Spending time with a person like this can be exhausting and often casts a pall over your own mood. You could be having a great day and be in the best of moods only to have the life and energy sucked right out of you. It is very important that you become aware of these types of relationships in your life, and that you try to stay away, especially when you are trying to undergo change yourself.

Somebody once said, “You don’t help an alcoholic by buying him a drink,” and you certainly don’t help an attention junkie by feeding his or her propensity for drama. While it's a personal choice to seek to deflect the negative moods of others, it's not always that easy—emotions are contagious and we're programmed to empathize with others around us and to tune into their emotions. But in this case, and for your own sake, it is best to stay away

If you do find yourself having to make the difficult decision of severing a friendship that brings you down, don’t be too hard on yourself.  It’s the best thing you can do, and I’ve learned that it’s a key step on your way to finding happiness. I’ve had to make this decision a couple of times, and even though it’s been hard, I always feel better in the end.

My father used to say, “Tell me who you are hanging out with, and I’ll tell you who you are.” He was right. We choose the relationships we keep, and we can’t help but feed off whatever energy these relationships provide. Knowing when a friendship is bad for you and doing something about it can save you from years of misspent energy.

Be honest, take action, and feel the freedom.

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