"You cannot change your future, but you can change your habits. And surely your habits will change your future." —Dr. Abdul Halam

They say it takes 21 days to create a habit. Or is that how long it takes to break one? I’m not really sure, and there seems to be some contention about the time frame anyway.

I’ve succeeded in changing one particular habit of mine—or creating one, depending on how you look at it. It has to do with eating, as so many of our bad habits do. I’ve grown accustomed to “passing by” the pastry section every time I’m in the supermarket to do my grocery shopping. If passing by were the only problem, that wouldn’t be so bad, but once I’ve seen the delicious pastries on offer, I’m usually unable to fight the temptation of buying one of them to go with my coffee.

And herein lies the problem: once I’ve eaten my pastry, the guilt sets in. I feel terrible for eating the pastry and wish I’d been strong enough to resist it.

The tricky thing about habits is that we often do them without even thinking. Just like those times you arrived home after work without realizing how you got there. You were on autopilot the whole way home, because the habit of taking that particular route home was so engrained in you. Or when you wake up in the morning and brush your teeth, another habit so hardwired into your routine it no longer requires conscious thought.

All of our habits are made up of a system of cues, routines, and rewards. Take the case of brushing your teeth, for example: You wake up (the cue), go into the bathroom and brush your teeth (the routine), and enjoy the feeling a of a clean mouth (the reward.)

Some habits are good, like brushing your teeth, but some aren’t so good, like smoking or overeating. In order to change your habits, you need to first understand the cues and rewards that dictate your behavior. What triggers the urge to eat when you aren’t hungry, or to smoke a cigarette? These are the cues. How do you benefit from engaging in this behavior? These are the rewards. Once you identify your cues and rewards, you can change your habits by creating the same rewards with different behavior.

In the case of my pastry habit, I know that my cue is going to the supermarket. I inevitably walk past the pastry section and buy myself something sweet to eat. My reward is the mouth-watering sensation I enjoy while eating the pastry. This was the reward I needed to create with different behavior.

I noticed that eating blueberries created this same satisfying mouth-watering sensation. So now, instead of buying pastries, I go straight to the fruit section, pick up a small box of blueberries, and eat them as I do my shopping. I give the almost-empty box to the cashier to ring up with the rest of my groceries and I’m on my way. No unhealthy pastry consumed, and even better, no guilt for having consumed it.

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We all have habits, and most likely, we all have habits we’d like to change. To change our habits, we must first identify the cues and rewards dictating them. Grab a pen and paper and write down the following:

  1. Think about a habit you want to change. Now try to identify what happens or how you feel just before you carry out that habit. Chances are you’re not even aware that your habit has a cue, and it can take some time to identify.
  2. What happens immediately after? How do you feel while engaging in your habitual behavior? Write it down!

Once you identify your cue and reward, it’s time to experiment and find out what gives you the same reward without the bad habit.

Habits can be harmful, not only to ourselves, but to others as well. Because we engage in habitual behavior without thinking, we’re often unaware of the effect it has on others. But our behavior greatly influences how others perceive us. For example, if we have a habit of interrupting others while they’re speaking, we gain a reputation for not knowing how to listen. Perception isn’t everything, but it can make a difference in how far we get in life, and it’s better to be recognized for our good habits than our bad.

Only by seeking feedback and becoming aware of our bad habits can we then begin to change them. It can be very difficult to change our habits, but I guarantee you, the rewards are well worth the effort.

Skillfully edited by Tara May

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