Another year is about to end. This is the time to reflect on where we have been this year and where we are going next. It’s not only a great time to figure out what we’re going to do for ourselves next year, but also what we’re going to do for the ones we love. As a new parent, my 10-month-old baby girl has overwhelmingly taken my heart, and I find myself looking for inspiration as to how I can raise a confident, kind, and smart woman. At BTF, we are all about facing our fears and realizing our dreams, but I now feel the desire to look beyond myself and figure out what I can do to make sure my princess achieves her dreams and goals in the future as well.

I was recently given the book Ten Powerful Things to Say to Your Kids, by Paul Axtell. Paul is a management consultant that provides training to a wide variety of clients, including some Fortune 500 companies, universities, and non-profits. Based on his professional background, I wouldn’t have guessed he’d write a book about how to educate children. But he did, and it’s a great book in which he makes the incredible connection between children and employees, and how the behavior of both is changed and shaped over time by the words we use with them.

Axtell created the list of what to say to our kids based on his experience raising his own children, but also drawing from his experience as a management consultant. I read the book pretty much in one sitting (I couldn’t put it down), and I’ve already started using the list with my baby girl. If you read the book, you will see how each of the ten suggestions makes perfect sense. Now I keep the book on my nightstand, along with three other books I truly treasure and continue to read over and over. (The Alchemist, by Pablo Coelho; Love is the Killer App, by Tim Sanders; and How to Win Friends and Influence People, by Dale Carnegie—just in case you’re wondering.)

Image source: www.confessionsofaparent.com

Image source: www.confessionsofaparent.com

Based on Axtell's list, the ten things we should tell our children are:

  1. I like you.
  2. You're a fast learner.

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  3. Thank you.
  4. How about we agree to…
  5. Tell me more.
  6. Let's read.
  7. We all make mistakes.
  8. I'm sorry.
  9. What do you think?
  10. Yes.

Now I find myself telling my baby girl “I like you,” “You are a fast learner,” and, my favorite, “Let’s read.” I can’t wait to use “Tell me more.” As I’ve said before, words have an incredible effect on people, and how we use words can shape how we feel about others and ourselves. If we focus on positive and affirming thoughts, we stimulate and reinforce the “happy” part of our brain. According to Axtell, using these ten statements will stimulate and support a much better relationship with our children. By starting with that relationship, we will help them grow into awesome and fearless individuals.

Many of our own behaviors were shaped by the words our parents used with us when we were children. Most likely they weren’t even aware of the effect of their words, positive or negative, but we can be. So if you’re busy raising another human at the moment, be aware of the words you use with them and help them grow into the strongest people they can be.

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