Sometimes the best thing you can do is shut up and listen. I learned the truth of that statement not long ago after asking my wife what I could do to be a better partner.
I got the idea to ask my wife this question from what I heard about a seminar given by Marshall Goldsmith, a well-known executive/leadership coach. A friend of mine who attended the seminar explained an exercise in which Goldsmith asked the audience to raise their hands if they had a cell phone. Most people raised their hands, of course, and then Goldsmith asked them to send a text message to someone they loved—a significant other, a child, a friend, etc.—and ask them one simple question:
What can I do to be a better partner in our relationship?
The responses that came back were varied, ranging from, “That’s a loaded question,” and “I need you to be present with me, and when we are together find a way to focus on us,” to “You are perfect the way you are…I love you.”
I was inspired by my friend’s story and amazed at the possibilities of what we could learn if we only had the courage to ask the right question. So I decided to ask my wife how I could be a better partner in our relationship, and I was floored by her response.
She was wary at first. She narrowed her eyes and said, “Why are you asking me that?” But then she let her guard down and gave me her answer: “I would love if you stop judging me.” I couldn’t believe it. I had no idea I’d been judging her. But I knew that if she felt that way, it must be true.
We talk a lot about courage here at Beyond the Fear, about doing what you are afraid to do and facing your fears so you can move forward. We talk about letting go of the past, focusing on now, and following your dreams. We’ve talked a lot about doing, but we haven’t spent a whole lot of time talking about NOT doing. And what I mean by that is stopping behavior that could be the root cause of some or all of your troubles. After hearing my wife’s response, I realized that I needed to stop being judgmental. Even though I wasn’t even aware of what I was doing, it was hurting her, and it was up to me to stop.
Men who have mood disorders such as anxiety tadalafil generic cialis or depression may experience low libido and reduced erectile function. Before including a new exercise routine is recommended to take the performance pressure off your shoulder and concerntrate more on continue reading for more info ordine cialis on line enjoying the intercourse. A teen applicant for a Texas drivers education course, you have to take a driver's test at your local DPS office in order to levitra prices http://robertrobb.com/did-prop-123-losers-really-win/ get a driving license. Drug-induced impotence: It also happens that the flow of blood to viagra price in india your penile regions is blocked by the Enzyme called as PDE5.
Image source: shelleyhallmark.me
I knew what I had to do, but I wanted to know how I could do it. So I asked my wife what suggestions she had to help me stop being judgmental. She said, “Sometimes I feel that you don’t listen to me and try to solve my problems even before I tell you the entire story. I think that if you listen to me more without trying to solve my problems, that would be a great start.”
Again, I was shocked, and I hated to hear that she felt this way. But I wasn’t surprised, because honestly, I know myself and I know that my brain is always in overdrive. I’m always trying to figure out how I can help and what I can do to make things better, when all she wants is for me to be quiet and listen. She wants to be able to talk without me trying to solve her problems, because in so doing, I end up judging her.
I’m glad I had the courage to ask my wife the question about how I can be a better partner, because I’ve learned so much from her answer. There may be many other things I can do to improve, but one of them is to simply shut up and listen. When I think about it, that’s not very hard, and it will make a world of difference. I can’t change my past behavior, I can only say I’m sorry for it, but I can do everything I can to make it better in the future.
Now it’s your turn to find the courage to ask the question. Choose someone who is important to you and ask them how you can be a better partner in your relationship. It’ll be scary, at first, because you won't know what the response will be, but you won’t regret asking the question.
Skillfully edited by Tara May
Culture of Honor by Danny Lee Silk was a huge influence on my thinking. I too learned how judgmental my thinking has been. When you honor people you can’t judge them.