Imagine you’re driving along, minding your own business. It’s one of those days where you can’t wait to get home and spend time with the family. Work was particularly challenging, and all you really want is to relax and unwind. Suddenly, a car pulls out of a parking lot, interrupting your thoughts of tranquility and cutting you off. You have to slam on your breaks to avoid hitting the car, and you barely miss it as it pulls away. After the scare, you’d really like to give this “prick” a piece of your mind. You say something from within the confines of your car, but nobody is there to hear you.
Well, a couple of days ago, I was that prick. I saw the car coming and assumed I had plenty of time to make the right turn. I obviously miscalculated the distance and the speed of the approaching car, because as soon as I pulled out, I heard screeching tires. All I could think to do then was speed up so he wouldn’t rear-end me. I took a peek in my rearview mirror and saw the driver, obviously upset, screaming and probably calling my poor mother names.
I kept on driving toward the next intersection, and the light turned red before I got there. There were no cars in front of me, so I’d be the first car in line at the light. I could see the driver I’d cut off in the lane next to me, behind two other cars. Upon realizing that we’d be sitting at a red light, separated by only a couple of cars, I groaned and thought, Awesome. I don’t want to deal with this. But then I realized what I was doing. The incident had been my fault, after all. Instead of avoiding the driver, I needed to apologize to him.
I started to slow down as I approached the signal and made a point to stop by his side. I turned to the other driver and saw his face. He was clearly upset and ready for whatever I was going to do, probably expecting an altercation. I lowered my passenger window and he did the same. Before I could utter a word he screamed, “WHAT?”
I said to him, “I’m sorry. Back there I really miscalculated the maneuver and I am sorry, please accept my apology.” His face changed immediately. Of all the reactions he expected, an apology wasn’t one of them.
After what felt like a very long pause, he managed to say “That’s okay, don’t worry about it.” The light turned green and we had to keep moving.
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As fate would have it, we continued in the same direction and ended up side-by-side again at another red light. This time, he lowered his window and said, “I really appreciate you saying ‘I’m sorry’ back there.”
“It was my fault; it was the right thing to do,” I told him.
“Thanks. Have a great rest of your day.” And with that, he drove off. I turned on the next street, and he continued on.
The whole exchange reminded me of the amazing power a simple apology can have on people. By choosing to say, “I’m sorry. It was my fault,” you can diffuse a conflict or avoid one altogether. I run into this topic a lot in my coaching business. Many of my clients have difficulty apologizing because they worry it will make them look weak. This couldn’t be further from the truth. By recognizing your mistakes and choosing to make amends, you are showing great strength of character. You’ll be surprised at the good things that will come as a result.
Keep this in mind next time you do something you shouldn’t have done. Acknowledge the mistake, and offer a sincere apology. Instead of feeling embarrassed or defensive, you’ll feel invigorated, and you’ll earn the respect of the person you’ve wronged.
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