Sometimes it’s very hard to stay brave. Just this past week, I was graced with a bout of food poisoning at work that left me sequestered to the nearest bathroom, and all I could think about was wanting to go home. In that moment, “home” meant back to what was familiar, back to what was safe—back to the Bay where I’d just so boldly moved from.
I was rather surprised to catch myself in the thought, and as I huddled in that bathroom stall, I had to have a small pep-talk with myself and attempt to define what I was really feeling. I’d had this feeling before, whenever I was on vacation somewhere and didn’t feel well. Those times, I just wanted to be home and surrounded by things that were familiar and comforting. But I wasn’t on vacation now. I was living in a new place, working at a new job, and fully immersed in starting a new life. So where was this feeling coming from? Did my new house not feel like my home?
The more I thought about it, the better I felt. As soon as I thought of my house—really envisioned the cozy rooms and the warm, wood burning stove—I was comforted. I remembered where I was and what I was doing there. And I realized something then:
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But when you come out of that low moment, after you’ve reminded yourself of what really matters and why you have to keep going, you’ll be stronger for it. You’ll be reminded that fear is always waiting, and sometimes it’ll get through and threaten to take control, if you let it.
Six days later, that breakfast burrito is still haunting me, still corrupting my belly with queasy unrest. And if I let it, the fear creeps back in, putting thoughts into my head that have no business being there—thoughts about what I’m doing and where I’m going and that threaten everything I hope to accomplish. The truth is it’s damn hard to stay motivated when you don’t feel very good. It’s a rather extreme reinforcement of Luis’s directive that we must have a healthy body to have a healthy mind.
But that’s not the lesson here—not your lesson anyway. The lesson is not to give up or give into fear, not even in your lowest moments. No matter what brought you low, find a way to climb back out, get through it, and get back to work.
Awesome post Tara!!
Awesome post Tara!!