A few weeks ago I had to take a plane ride with my two-year-old. As we were waiting to board, I noticed the crew of our flight boarding the airplane ahead of us. Carrying a child, I had priority boarding privileges, and we were the first ones on the plane. As soon as I got in, I noticed that the pilot seemed a little young to me. She wasn’t only young; she was a female as well. The first thing I thought was, "that pilot looks like she is still in high school." With that thought, I went ahead, found our seats and proceeded to get ready for the flight.
Some time later, the plane started to shake a little, obviously due to some turbulence. The captain spoke to us and said that we were going thru some turbulence, and we needed to fasten our seat belts. My next thought was, “I hope she knows what she is doing”.
I didn’t think much about the entire episode until a few days ago while reading a training module on unconscious bias. I was aware of the concept, but I thought that is something other people did, not me. After all, I am in a multicultural marriage, and I know a little something about not being judgmental. Well, I was wrong, I do too have unconscious biases; my plane ride with the young woman pilot confirmed the obvious.
The minute I said “That pilot seems a little young” I assumed she didn’t have enough experience. When the plane started to shake, and I thought, “I hope she knows what she is doing,” I assumed that because she was a woman she would not be as capable as a man.
Just recently, my wife and I went to a mall that has many stores that caters to people with expensive taste. We went into a boutique that sells high-end sunglasses. When we entered, two clerks looked at us and continued to do what they were doing. One was texting, and the other was arranging a display. I didn’t think much about it; we went ahead and tried a couple of sunglasses. Then a gentleman came into the store; he was Caucasian, and the two clerks immediately took notice. One approached him and welcomed him into the store and asked him if he was looking for something special. Two seconds later, another person walked in and the second clerk did the same. That is when I realized; we weren’t greeted or were asked if we needed help at all. I got upset, and I realized that because we look in a certain way, an African American woman with her Hispanic husband, we weren’t taken as serious buyers, it was evident. Needless to say, we didn’t buy sunglasses there.
We all have biases; it is part of being human. In the past, it was probably a good thing to assume that all snakes were poisonous. This thought, was probably a good one to have, so our ancestors bucketed all snakes as dangerous.
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In my case, assuming that the pilot, because she was young and a female, was inexperienced was wrong. Interestingly success and likeability are positively correlated for men and negatively correlated for women. Women are expected to be nurturing and caring while men are expected to be assertive and action-oriented. In the case of the young pilot, what I thought about her didn’t inhibit her from doing her job (but it was wrong), in the case of the two clerks at the store, they didn’t make a sale.
If we are aware of our biases, we can monitor and attempt to ameliorate attitudes that might be derived from them. In my coaching business, I tell my clients that a change in behavior will modify their beliefs and attitudes. It is logical that a conscious decision to be egalitarian might lead to widening our circle of friends and knowledge of other groups.
Recognizing that the problem is in many others (the clerks at the sunglasses store) — as well as in ourselves (The way I thought about the young lady pilot)— has motivated me to be aware of it and try to mitigate the effects of this particular blind spot of mine. Without acknowledging the issue and knowing that is there, we surely can’t change it.
Also, Challenging the irrationality of my “self-talk” statements has worked for me. Yes, the pilot was a young woman, but it is irrational to think that she wasn’t capable of doing her job because of that. We only need to look more closely to see that almost any statement about "them" will fall apart if we think about it. Let’s take the time to examine and challenge thoughts that limit or devalue other people. It will help us grow and become more inclusive and tolerant.
Be strong
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