I know for sure that my wife loves me, but I like to hear it often, more often than what she is comfortable saying it. The issue here, (thank God I know it now) is that most people tend to express love the same way they like to receive it and many times it is not how your partner understands it.
A long time ago I read a book, “The five love languages,” the main idea behind this book is that just as people have unique personality preferences, we all have individual preferences for what we find satisfying and motivating when it comes to love. Your love language is the way that you most feel loved.
So, you have to learn to speak your partner's love language and express love that way, so she understands that you love her. What are those languages: gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service, and physical touch.
My primary love language is words of affirmation. I know that my wife loves me when she says that she loves me. Unfortunately, she does not speak that love language fluently. We have talked about it, and I realized that expressing love (verbally) is not a something that comes out naturally from her, it is not her primary love language.
And it comes down to the purpose of this post today. Why don’t we ask for the things that we need? I met a woman recently that frequently asks her husband “I like you to thank me for all the things I did with the kids this week”, and the man acknowledges and thanks her. He says, “I know, I know, levitra online ordering thank you”. Many times we want the “thank you’s" to come naturally, and we resent our partners for not thanking us, or expressing love the way we understand, but perhaps that is not a language he/she speaks.
We have no problem asking for our steak medium-rare, or a window seat, or even a hotel upgrade. We want those things, and we ask for them, but why don’t we ask for the critical things we want from the people that are most important to us, our inner circle, our significant other. Why wouldn’t we ask “Do you love me?”, “Why don’t tell me you love and appreciate me?”.
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I have taken the responsibility to ask her those questions to my wife, she smiles and says, “of course I love you, honey”, and that is all I need to hear to fill my love tank once again.
I remember a little story; I don’t know from where. Once, a husband used to bring flowers to his wife, and she loved it. The wife used to cook a wonderful soup, and he loved it. Then, the flowers stopped coming and so the soup. Husband and wife started to resent each other because neither of them was doing that little something special anymore. The husband had stopped bringing flowers because the wife wasn’t making the special soup anymore and the wife wasn't making the soup because she wasn't getting any flowers.
I wonder if this would have been avoided if the wife would ask, that simple question “why don’t you bring me flowers anymore?” Or the husband, “Can you make that soup I like”?
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